The Sex-Starved Marriage

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Connie Matthiessen In the movie Far From Heaven, four young housewives discuss their sex lives over lunchtime daiquiris. The boldest of the group coaxes the others to reveal how often their husbands want to make love. Can you imagine? Sex is presented as a wifely duty, an activity that, while not unpleasant, is engaged in because one's husband insists on it. Still, while the women roll their eyes at their husbands' appetites, the tone is one of thrilled, bubbling excitement. Half a century later, in a San Francisco kitchen, the subject is the same but the conversation is very different. Seven women are sipping wine around a long, comfortable table.

It is the new sexual norm designed for Americans. Do people really believe women are responsible for the decline of marriage because we are having femininity too much, and men no longer have any incentive to pair up? I found the argument dehumanizing en route for both genders, and decided to deal with its veracity. I made calls en route for experts on both sides of the Atlantic. My favorite conversation, though, was with an unmarried male friend who loves pursuing women, and who has so far resisted the siren appeal of marriage. Tim, who never appears to have a lull in afire female dating partners — all arrange a steady, respectful roster — answers carefully.

This site is no longer being updated. Now even this person had en route for know. Nate and I love all other very much. Most nights we fall asleep laughing, snarled in a pile of laptop cords and my egregiously ratty stuffed animals, Trit, after that Frank. If I develop a bizarre, throbbing rash, Nate takes me en route for urgent care. But I have accordingly much to figure out.

Heterosexual women of a progressive bent a lot say they want equal partnerships along with men. But dating is a altered story entirely. The women I interviewed for a research project and charge expected men to ask for, arrange, and pay for dates; initiate sex; confirm the exclusivity of a relationship; and propose marriage. After setting altogether of those precedents, these women after that wanted a marriage in which they shared the financial responsibilities, housework, after that child care relatively equally. Almost no one of my interviewees saw these dating practices as a threat to their feminist credentials or to their appeal for egalitarian marriages. But they were wrong. I was aware of the research that showed greater gains all the rage gender equality at work than by home. Curious to explore some of the reasons behind these numbers, I spent the past several years chat with people about their dating lives and what they wanted from their marriages and partnerships.

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